The journey of single parenting has its unique set of challenges. 5 years ago, I founded a social group called Single Parenting Dialogues (SPD). I felt that there was a need for a platform where single parents could engage openly and honestly, get advise, share the lows, highs and in-betweens and most importantly engage with individuals who ‘get them’.
Nothing benefits one’s sanity quite like engaging with people who are in the same boat as you. I am a 40-year old single parent to 2 boys aged 21 and 16. Because they don’t share a father, I had to be very careful to ensure that what they received, and what I provided, was as equal as possible. While their dads played a role, they did not play an equal role and it was up to me to ensure that my boys grew up with a sense of equality, confidence and comfort.
Here are some of the money lessons I learnt, way after I had made mistakes. While I have no regrets, I am now able to share some of my very bright pearls of wisdom (😊):
1. Speak to someone for guidance – whether your parents, siblings, friends, a financial guru, Somebody! I used to try to figure everything out all on my own and thought that the situation was much worse than I made it out to be. I could not see a way out! I was losing sleep, frustrated and irritable. Not a good space to be in when you have children to care for. An objective view is always helpful;
2. Decide where you live in relation to your children’s school and work – guys, transport is expensive. Think about whether it is better to live closer to school or work, but don’t be spending loads of cash on both. Make the sacrifice somewhere. In my case, I decided to live opposite the youngest one’s school so he could walk and the eldest was a taxi ride from his school. This minimised my travel expenses hugely.
3. Manage your children’s’ expectations – this requires you to be open and honest about what you can and cannot do. Involve them in the monthly planning and budgeting. I promise you this works. I did not find myself in a position where I was being asked to buy pizza on a weekly basis and we enjoyed the best meals together. The other upside was that I wasn’t afraid to take them to a shop and fear that they would request Haägen Dazs premium ice-cream, when I could only afford Country Fresh. Everyone knew the plan and stuck to it!
4. Draw up a monthly budget – it is equally important not to divert from your budget. Spend only what you have on your expenses and debt. Diverting from the budget means that something else suffers down the line. I keep a monthly and annual spreadsheet which shows when specific items will be paid off. Everyone needs a bit of motivation to keep going!
5. Lastly but probably most importantly for someone with a single income, do not over commit yourself! - There is one income and that is yours. Every crumb of bread depends on you. You can only do so much, so only commit to what you can do. Yep, you heard me, that includes your social life. I became a mini-hermit and became a karaoke Queen because that was what I could afford. Who cares, I had loads of fun.
Remember that single parenting is tough already. There is so much to think about and action. If you have a handle on your finances, it could make the journey easier.
Priscilla Morley is the founder of Single Parenting Dialogues a platform that supports and empowers single parents.
FB: Single Parenting Dialogues/Priscilla Morley
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